Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want a musical about memes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
