put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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