if you like me you must not know who I am
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
