Got a toothbrush?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
