The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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