every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
