Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
