Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
