i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
