I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
