The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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