I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
