considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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