Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
