genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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