I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
