We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
