The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
