I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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