R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
