Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
