Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
