i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
