dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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