walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
