im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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