i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
