Define "chronic" masturbator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
