you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
