worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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