Me too!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
