My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
