i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
