u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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