4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
