Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
