His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
