watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
