So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
