first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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