i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
