I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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