Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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