Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
