You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
