I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still have a little drunk in my system
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
