I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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