I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
