I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
