This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
